The New York Open Center, Art of Dying 3 Conference, NY, NY March 24-27, 2000

REPORT FROM THE ART OF DYING III CONFERENCE
Robert Thurman, Ram Dass, Deepak Chopra, Ira Byock, Therese Shroeder-Sheker, Joan Halifax and others…

What do you get when you combine 1000 hospice workers, volunteers, therapists and MDs, the resources of the New York Open Center (combined with Tibet House), and over forty of the most interesting and  highly respected speakers in the field of death and dying today?
The answer is an event that comes around only once every two years, (if you’re lucky), and is the most inspirational and energizing gathering that exists in this field.
There, I’ve given it away. I really love this conference. But in talking to the other attendees and organizers, I have found that apparently everyone enjoys this event!
I must admit that I missed Art Of Dying I back in 1995 and jumped aboard in 1997 with AOD II which was actually the starting point and inspiration for this newsletter. At that time I could not believe the quality of the work that people, including Stephen Levine, Joan Halifax, Therese Shroeder - Sheker, were doing in death and dying. I was totally amazed at the enlightened teachings and approaches that these folks were making available. Not only that, but combine the influence and  wisdom of several attending Tibetan Rinpoches…the effect was that myself and many others came away for the conference very clear about the necessity for this work and inspired in the practice of it.
 

The Art of Dying III Conference started on Friday March 24th with Robert Thurman presenting "Mental Models of Death and Beyond: The Effect of Living and Dying."  Dr. Thurman, as head of Tibet House, is the real force behind this conference. He is an amazing storyteller and raconteur who combines brilliance, humor and wisdom in almost equal measure. In this workshop he presented the Tibetan teachings of  maintaining presence with and/or guiding a being as he or she passes through the time of physical death. He examined the Tibetan vision of the reality of the mind and body connection, how it relates to the loss of sensory and motor functions upon death and the inner experiences of the dying, and he contrasted it  with the materialistic model of dying.

Ram Dass and Kyabje Gelek Rinpoche
The afternoon presentation, with roughly 200 people attending, was a relaxed, informal and quietly informational discussion between Ram Dass and Kyabe Gelek Rinpoche. It was entitled "The Three Phases of Dying," and it started with some  moments of quiet until Ram Dass broke the silence and began talking about his stroke and how it has radically changed his outlook as one who works with the sick and dying. Before the stroke he had published the  book  How Can I Help, but the experience of  now having to accept  help and the thought that this was his guru's blessing have led him to reformulate the question as: "how can you help me?" His world view has changed, he is "more human" and instead of trying to be a wise elder he is aiming to be an incarnation of wisdom, ie
he doesn’t have to renounce his humanity to be spiritual.
 Ram Dass went on to say that he doesn't feel that  the "I" is material and that this is a real  dilemma for his doctors. He spoke of the cultural feeling that  Doctors have where they can't let their  patients "die on them."
 The Rinpoche quietly affirmed Ram Dass’ opinions and outlined the differences  between this western denial and the eastern acceptance of death as a natural  process. He said that without the consciousness revolution of the '60s we would never have gotten even this far in our openness to the eastern philosophies. He  described a model of death as being a return to the place from which you had  come before birth, of getting in touch with "the original."
 Ram Dass talked about bedside care...how it is easy for the ego to get very caught  up in all kinds of different role definitions rather than simply making the necessary effort to "be present" with he or she who is dying. Sitting with the dying is a good  Sadhana or spiritual practice. You can directly observe yourself. When you are  mad about something you convey that anger to the person who you are sitting  with. But if you remember the teachings, or in his case, the Guru, you can affect a less negative presence and give the dying person a different psychological environment. Maintaining a good death bed  scene is very good practice. Ram Dass went on to tell a story about his mother-in -law's death and how at one point when he was sitting with her "there were only 2  souls and it didn't matter who did the dying."
 Ram Dass then showed a film about Tim Leary's death, illustrating Leary's great  joy in life and totally open approach of humor and questioning right onto the deathbed.
 The discussion then moved into the question of the Buddhist philosophies of the  Bardos and the afterlife. The Rinpoche reiterated that the moment of death has no map, no statement, and only uncertainty. The identity changes and the gross mind  forgets everything, the memory is erased and only some sort of imprint remains-  that on the primordial mind. If one has made efforts of  wisdom during the life they  may be able to stay with the primordial mind for a longer time. He likened the  imprint to a "mental gene" which survives the death and whose interaction with the
 physical is what is called life.
 There were many questions and the talk took on the wonderful "give and take"  feeling that happens when the audience is completely engaged as a part of the discussion. One question that stands out as summarizing the theme of the talk as a  whole was "What can I do to become a better caregiver?" to which Ram Dass answered,  "Work on Yourself."

Ira Byock, Dying Well:  Reclaiming the End of Life
In his talk, Ira Byock asked the very direct question, "what would dying well look like?" and his answer was a very proactive and  energetic discussion of the art of palliative care as combined with the model of community and hospice surrounding one who is undergoing physical death.
One answer to his question is the scenario where a high school student gets off of the bus after school and goes to an elderly neighbors house to see how he or she is doing or tend to some aspect of her care.
This is the aspect of community in Missoula where Dr. Byock and others are bringing joy and compassion to the members of the community.
In Dr. Byock’s eyes, palliative care as a branch of medicine takes on more the quality of , say, pediatrics where one doesn’t wait for problems to arise, there are more or less predictable issues and the entire family is involved in the care. Dr. Byock says the following which reflects this most important aspect of his ongoing palliative care work:
"The specific work that a person has need for, or interest in, doing as they confront life’s end will vary. A  person’s individuality is not diminished by recognition of elemental commonalties within the human condition as life ends. Issues of life completion and life closure are available to each individual – and one need not await serious, life-limiting illness for these issues to have relevance.

 The end-of-life developmental landmarks and the taskwork that subserve them are intended to represent predictable personal challenges as well as important opportunities of persons as they die.
Dr. Byock has provided the "working set" of  developmental landmarks and taskwork which can be seen at this web site www.dyingwell.org. I urge the reader to visit this site as it is a very comprehensive presentation of  Dr. Byock’s material as presented in his writings and at this conference.

Therese Shroeder-Sheker : Monastic Medicine
Ms. Shroeder-Sheker has dedicated her life to helping those who are dying. She founded and still directs  the school of Music Thanatology and  the Chalice of Repose Project whereby musicians, generally harpists, play at the bedside of  those who are dying, not only in a major hospital but also throughout the community of Missoula, Montana. Therese calls the process of physical death "unbinding," and the harp music which is based on 13th century unmetered melodies allows for the creation of a contemplative atmosphere around the death bed.
The monastic atmosphere is a practice for everyday life, something which can be learned again and again. In Therese’s eyes "we can never let go enough." In this light, life could be called the learning of a growing tolerance for the eternal, and the practice of this learning is taken to the death bed.
Therese feels that the Chalice project sends ripples through out the entire medical system, The connection with the contemplative affects nurses, families and MDs as it creates an atmosphere that is more in  line with what the patient needs at this time.

Alice Walker - A Most Amazing Reading

On Saturday evening, Alice Walker read from her book, The Moon Like the Smile on My Fathers Face.  The chapter described  is the one where Manualito and Father are talking about the Mundo vies of the afterlife and the Mundo song. It revolves around the love of a man for a woman and involves dialogues between Maunual and the Father, Daughter and the Mother and Manual and the Father as the daughter is approaching on a great horse.

John O’Donohue - Death: The Horizon in the Well

John O’Donohue is a poet and speaks in heartfelt and beautiful phrases. He describes the ordinary things and events of life in ways that really make you want to go back to savor and remember them. Remembering is something that we have lost in our fast paced world and we no longer value memory which John sees as most unfortunate. All of our best rituals have been taken by the corporations and turned into advertising, but it is through ritual and memory that we can bridge a connection with the eternal world and eternal time. Eternal life is where there is eternal time and also eternal memory. If we can live our day to day lives and meet death with kindness then we can look into the mirror of death and see our eternal form. This way when our death comes to us we can gently slip in to it. The magic is presence and awareness of the eternal…keeping the heart open.
Now we can also be present at the death of another. The one who is dying really appreciates the presence of one who can sense what is really going on. It is a great privilege to be present in this way for another, and when this occurs it is unknown what can happen in that moment.
John told several stories which illustrated this. It is as if  when one is facing death there is an ordering of priorities which far supersedes any temporal concerns.
Fear, of course, changes the shape of how things look around you. Don’t try to get rid of your fear, rather examine what exactly you are afraid of and simulate the encounter going through the worst case scenarios. Fear is ok, it is actually a sign that you are doing alright, but only one thing to remember…Don’t Panic.

Paul Brenner - Responding to the Diverse Experience of the Dying

This was a most interesting workshop at the Art of Dying III Conference. Basically, in examining one’s own background one can see the bias that he or she is bringing to hr role as a  caregiver. Paul handed out an interesting worksheet which the participants went through in groups. Starting with the most basic aspects of one’s identity: name, age, race, ethnicity, culture, nationality, language, address, religion, spirituality, marital status and relationship status, it asked the impact of each of these factors on sense of empowerment, connection with others, and sense of individuality.
Then ones health status and power in dealing with same were examined as well as ones views on death and all aspects of it.
It is impossible to give all of the factors that were examined in this space, but it became apparent that as one went through a process of self - examination, there was much revealed in the details of  how he or she relates to the most "taken for granted" things. I came away from this workshop with a sense that I should really examine the components of a persons life before I make any judgment on them or try to convince them of anything.